Ep. 1 - Our Why

Betrayal Trauma & Addiction Recovery Podcast - Clark N Linda Show Betrayal Trauma & Addiction Recovery Podcast - Clark N Linda Show Betrayal Trauma & Addiction Recovery Podcast - Clark N Linda Show Betrayal Trauma & Addiction Recovery Podcast - Clark N Linda Show

You are NOT alone! Welcome to the Clark n Linda Show. This is our real relationship experiencing change after addiction & betrayal. We're learning to connect, to feel safe & confident in marriage. You can too! Listen in on some raw conversations.

Betrayal Trauma & Addiction Recovery Podcast - Clark N Linda Show

We are a bit fresh out of "D" day (disclosure/discovery) and wanted to share our journey as we ask questions and have meaningful convos in order to connect and be vulnerable with each other so you can see how to try these with your spouse. This is "Our Why" Episode 1, thanks for being here, and for trying to hold on. We are right there with you.

Romans 12:21 "Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good."

TIME CODES & SHOW NOTES

  • - 2:00 - Discovery Day
  •  - 2:29 - Clark wants to get on the other side of the battle! The adversary causes pain and shame in Clark and now he wants to be a thorn on his side.
  •  - 3:10 - Men of Moroni Program (addiction recovery support from LIFE CHANGING SERVICES)
  •  - 6:22 - Sharing his pornography addiction.
  •  - 6:44 - Linda experiencing betrayal trauma. (Get support, from a group, I promise it's so healing LIFE CHANGING SERVICES)
  •  - 7:38 - Shining light on shame, the adversary can't use it against us.
  •  - 9:48 - Recent "D" Day was about 7 months ago (Linda, of course, remembers the time but wasn't relevant), so real raw emotions and fresh.
  •  - Grab a date night treat and watch, we're saving the rest as a surprise!

Date Night HOMEWORK

33:00 - Tell or ask your spouse, why you/they think you/they want to fight? Why do you want to fight this addiction? Why do you want to fight for healing? What are some of your goals in this fight? What do you hope to achieve in your marriage? Why do you fight?

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Betrayal Trauma & Addiction Recovery Podcast - Clark N Linda Show

FULL TRANSCRIPT

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[Linda] You are not alone. Welcome to the Clark and Linda show. - [Clark] This is our real relationship. Experiencing change after addiction and betrayal. - [Linda] We're learning to connect to feel safe and confident in marriage. - [Clark] And you can too. ♪ Cause I believe in you ♪ ♪ Whoa ♪ 

[Linda] Welcome, and this is a sensitive project of ours. Very, we're putting ourselves out there. Super vulnerable. A lot of shame. A lot of secrets, if you will. 

[Clark] Fear. 

[Linda] Fear. A lot of things. But we think in the end it's gonna be a good thing for us. And hopefully for anybody else that's listening to this besides our own family.

[Clark] And we're gonna kinda let Linda drive this episode. She's had a little bit more time to think through outline points and how we're gonna go this episode. And I've had a really busy week of editing, so 

[Clark] Yeah, take it away.

[Linda] Um, okay, so today, we're gonna do, like, our purpose. Like, what is our purpose behind this Clark and Linda show. And yeah, what do you wanna get out of it. And what do you think other people can get out of it. 

[Clark] Oh, that's a question for me. 

[Linda] Yes. 

[Clark] You're asking me. Um, so for me, my purpose in wanting to do this kinda goes back to our D-day, which even thinking about or talking about, and for those that may not know, D-day is discovery day

[Linda] Or disclosure day. 

[Clark] Or disclosure day.

[Linda] Depending on how that works. 

[Clark] In our case we had a couple disclosure days before and then we had a discovery day. 

[Linda] Years back. 

[Clark] And it's a little bit more painful that way. Not so, not so great. In fact even just thinking about it or saying anything about it, I still kinda get this little anxiety attack. It was not a fun day. But when we started talking through, you know, after we got through some of the initial shocks and started thinking through okay, what are we gonna do, how are we gonna overcome this, um, one of my big things was, I really wanted to get on the other side of the fight. I felt like I'd been on the losing side of the battle for too long and I wanted to figure out how to fight back, how to push back against the darkness, and maybe give Satan a bit of a headache. You know, I felt like he had been causing me so much pain and shame and you know holding me back in my progress for so long. I wanted to try and be somewhat of a thorn in his side. You know, I've been going to recovery meetings for the Men in Moroni program and I shared with Linda one of our last meetings we were talking about the word overcome and our facilitator slash counselor had mentioned that he doesn't really like the word overcome and he said you know, you don't ever really overcome your hormones, you're always gonna feel this. And I pushed back a little bit. I think in the end it was a matter of semantics but I kind of like the word overcome as long as you think of it as an ongoing process rather than a destination. I don't think you ever just get somewhere and say, oh I've overcome this. But if you think of it as an ongoing fight and you're always trying to overcome, I think then it can be healthy. What's dangerous is when you grow complacent. But I really wanted to to be part of that fight as part of my overcoming. There's a great scripture in Romans that says, do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. And I think if you just focus on the bad and you're always, you know, I think addicts in general have a tendency to think, don't use, don't use, don't use, or I'm not gonna do this, I'm gonna avoid this, I'm not gonna look at pornography, I'm not gonna do anything bad, and that's the absolute wrong thing to do if that's your focus, is don't don't don't then you're gonna end up losing battles and relapsing. So I think the key is to find something you can do that's positive and so for me, I wanted to fight back. I wanted to do something together where we could grow closer and connect and have time to work on something that we're both passionate about. You know, this has become part of both of our lives. And so I thought, you know, if I can do some good, if we can help even one other person that's going through this, then it'll be worth it. And that'll be our way of pushing back against the darkness. And so that was, when we started discussing this, that's what I really liked about it, is that it was as way to fight back. And it was something that we could do together that will bring us closer, so 

 

[Linda] Even if that fighting together was, or fighting the adversary together for just our own benefit is totally worth it. 

 

[Clark] Yeah, good point. Totally. So that's sort of my why for wanting to do this. I don't know, we didn't give a whole lot of context of what we're even doing. So that may not make sense. 

 

[Linda] Yeah, that's true. 

 

[Clark] But 

 

[Linda] So do you want to say why? 

 

[Clark] Um, sure. That all happened in our last episode. 

[Linda] In our other yeah, we're gonna call it the lost episode. 

 

[Clark] Where we kinda talked about what we're dealing with um, so I have dealt with pornography addiction and in recovery and trying to get over that. I have 170 days today of no lost battles. Which feels pretty darn good. And Linda has been struggling with betrayal trauma which is a very real and tough thing to deal with. 

 

[Linda] it's totally real. 

 

[Clark] Yeah, so we're trying to recover and heal together. And with, together with each other, and together with Christ. 

 

[Linda] Always. 

 

[Clark] And bringing Him in to that process. And so this podcast is our way of maybe working through some of those issues and hopefully helping other people that might be dealing with similar issues. And I said I was gonna let you drive and now I've talked for probably like I don't know, five minutes straight. 

 

[Linda] That's awesome. So, that's what it's about right? We just gotta get it all out there and that way that shame that we feel can have that light shone on the shame and we, Satan can't have that and can't hold it against us after we shine the light on it. 

 

[Clark] Yeah, so I kinda talked about why I wanna do this. What's your reason? What's your why for wanting to do a podcast and talk about uncomfortable things and be in front of a camera which is never easy. 

 

[Linda] Oh man, it's the worst. I can't even listen to myself or watch myself. So, when you see this, or when you hear this, just know that I have not re listened to this and this, we're just doing, this is like, one take, one cut, it's, we're not gonna go through and edit, and do that because we really wanted some, he likes to edit videos. We really wanted this to be authentic. We figure if there was a lot of editing, that it would take away from the authenticity. Um, we also wanted it to be really raw and sometimes there's gonna be a lot of emotion and we don't want the editing process to take that away. And let's be honest, who has time to work on passion projects and edit and do all these things. We don't employ anyone to do this for us. So, we just kinda wanted this to be our project and make it easy for us cause we're also parents that we're trying to not neglect our kids and hopefully we don't ruin them by trying to do things on the side. - And we're not rehearsing these either. 

 

[Clark] No. 

 

[Linda] We maybe have like a few bullet points of things that we want to cover

 

[Clark] Yeah, this is like 

 

[Linda] Who knows, we might surprise each other and you might get like some really raw emotions when one of us says something that the other one wasn't expecting 

 

[Clark] Yeah, it's gonna be awesome. 

 

[Linda] Or wasn't ready for, who knows. We'll see how it goes. We hope to have some real conversations. 

 

[Clark] Yeah. 

 

[Linda] And work through some things. Like we said, this is partly for our own benefit so we'll see how it goes. 

 

[Clark] And we really wanna, you know, emphasize that you know, we're just let's see, five months, is it five months or six months in to the most recent D-day and so all of our emotions, feelings, and things are really fresh. I actually had the feeling that we needed to do something and share the conversations that we were having a lot sooner than now because I felt like they were really raw and like really like getting to the meat of stuff. And so I'm hoping that we can maybe recreate some of those conversations that we had back in the day just even a few months ago because I feel like they were essential in bringing us to this point. 

 

[Linda] I remember even talking and you were like, yeah, we listen to a lot of other podcasts 

 

[Clark] Which we love. And we'll share them here with you too. 

 

[Linda] And sometime we even said like, well yeah, it's great to hear so-and-so because he's been in recovery for three years but are are not. Yeah, we are really fresh into it. 

 

[Clark] And I still worry about relapse and lost battles and things like that. I mean, 170 days seems like a long time for me, and yet, I still you know, there are still days where the struggle is real.

[Linda] The struggle is real. 

[Clark] And yeah, so, but I do remember having those conversations of thinking like, that seems so far away. You know, even 30 days seemed like it was a lot at the time it was a long ways away. And so yeah, now that we're six months out, maybe we've lost some of that but I think that we're close enough to it that we can revisit some of those emotions and feelings. And we were just talking in the car about some of them. And some of them still kinda make my heart beat and my palms sweat a little bit. 

[Linda] So I mean and it's understandable. We're dealing with our marriage. It's something that we chose to commit ourselves to for eternity and so I mean it's it's a pretty big deal you know. So, and it's a huge responsibility for anyone to undertake when you get married, I'm sure as you all know. So, so yeah. We did want to mention that we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints so there will be some talk about our beliefs and our faith in Jesus Christ. And Clark has also even just mentioned scriptures and stuff so we take scriptures from the Bible, the New Testament and the Old Testament and we also have The Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants and Pearl of Great Price. Those are all the scriptures that we love and 

 

[Clark] Not to mention church leaders and Latter Day Prophets, a living prophet, we'll probably quote conference talks and 

 

[Linda] General Conference just passed yeah. 

 

[Clark] General authorities and all kinds of people. When she says we might talk about that sometimes, probably will be like a lot. 

 

[Linda] Pretty much all the time. 

 

[Clark] Yeah. It's pretty central to what we're trying to do. 

 

[Linda] It's part of our lives. It's part of who we are. 

 

[Clark] Definitely. 

 

[Linda] Our belief system. And you know, I don't think I could do anything without Christ. I mean, during D-day, what had happened was, maybe we'll just touch on this, I basically found something on his phone, and this was when we were on our way to do like an in vitro check up or something, I can't remember what it was but we were really close to implantation day and we struggled with infertility, so that's why we were doing the in vitro process. Anyway so, you know, there's like a bunch of emotions going on with that and I think I was just looking at his phone cause it was like a picture or something that I was trying to delete cause it was probably one of mine that I don't like him having pictures of me. There's another thing of shame where I don't like having pictures of me that I don't approve of, you know what I mean, like, if I have a weird face, not my right side. Anyway, so, so yeah, so I found a picture, or I found something on his phone, and it was totally inappropriate and I asked him about it and he did not know how to reply and respond. And basically we had to wait until after our whole appointment so it was like an hour or so, and it was like right when we got to the doctors office and we had to wait like an hour. And so all these thoughts and emotions and things are just being thrown at me right then and there and I, I mean, I think the entire office there thought that I was emotional because of the in vitro process and while that added a lot of emotion, that was not why I was emotional that day. And it was the weekend after conference, and it was just, I mean I can't even tell you in words what that felt like for me. But I do remember once we were able to come back my mom had the kids, we were able to talk more, and he was able to kind of disclose a bunch more information to me about what had been happening in his life that he hadn't been able to share or that he had been doing in secret and all these things. And all of his shame. And he shared that with me and the only thing that was running through my head was, I just want to be like Jesus. I just want to listen and be, I just want to be there for him, because I could feel his pain. And I was trying to separate my husband from the addiction. I was trying to separate it for my own benefit. But also because I knew that my husband was being lied to by the adversary. And so I needed to muster all of the energy that I could in my mind, in my heart in my soul, everything, so that I could be compassionate like Christ. Like what would Christ do? And that was what I wanted at that time was to be Christ. I just really wanted to be Him. Because I knew that in that moment, that's who I needed to be. I can't say that I have been able to be like Him throughout the rest of the six months. I wish, and I do try and, you know, have that time with God every morning to try and help myself with all that betrayal trauma and to get outside from being a victim because I know that it would be really easy for me to do that and I would be validated in every single one of those feelings and emotions. And he's actually done a really good job of validating those emotions for me and being there and holding that space. But at that moment, that's the only thing that I could think of and without Christ I would've been a huge disaster mess even more so I think than I was afterward, but, yeah. So that, so Christ will be central and we will talk about Him when we can and we're not gonna try and shy away from it so if you don't have that belief in Christ, then I encourage you to continue to listen anyway, cause you never know. You never know, you can test it out for yourself. You can pray to God and ask Him to know if He's there and if He loves you and cares for you because He's there and He does love us. And He wants your marriage and our marriage to succeed. So, anyways. That's a lot of emotion there. 

 

[Clark] That got real quick. 

 

[Linda] Really real quick. Really real real quick. 

 

[Clark] Mhmm. - Mhmm. 

 

[Linda] So, anyways, so my purpose, was that the question 

 

[Clark] Yeah, why do you wanna do this? 

 

[Linda] Well Jesus, we talked about General Conference and some of our leaders that we love. One of the 12 apostles his name is Elder Jeffery R. Holland, and in this last General Conference, he talked about, so we've been thinking about this podcast for a while, and he talked about, "Don't be immobilized by trying to figure out if you're going to do the backstroke or the dog paddle. Just jump in to the pool and swim." And so I was thinking about the show while he was saying that cause I've had this show on the back of my mind

 

[Clark] We should clarify, he wasn't necessarily talking about swimming

 

[Linda] No, he wasn't talking about swimming. 

 

[Clark] He was making a 

 

[Linda] He was making an analogy. But I was thinking about the show, and I thought hey, he's talking to me, right now? And so sometimes General Conference is like that for me. Where a lot of the speakers, it's kinda like TED talks but like, for your soul. And like, I just love that he said that because it spoke to me and just made me think of our show. Like, we just have to do it. It might not be organized. It might not be put together. We might not have all the logos. We might not, and I mean, I'm a logo person, let me tell you. And he can't edit the video. (he’s a video professional) 

 

[Clark] We might start out talking about, we don't even know what, we haven't even told you what's going on with us and I'm just like talking about my Why and fighting something, and you're like wait what's he

 

[Linda] Yeah, what are we talking about, why? 

 

[Clark] We might be disorganized. 

 

[Linda] Yeah, so we're a little bit disorganized. But that kinda told me, just jump in and do it. It doesn't matter. The Lord will provide a way. And then a couple speakers later

 

[Linda] Just to clarify, he was talking about ministering too. 

 

[Clark] Oh yeah. - To your neighbors. - To those around us. 

 

[Linda] To those around us, to anybody trying to be like Christ like you were saying. So I think that's the perfect analogy. Is like, you know, the church just implemented a new ministering program and there's been a little bit of confusion as to, hey what are we supposed to do, and how are we supposed to serve people, and he said, don't wait, don't try and figure it out, it's not rocket science, just 

 

[Clark] Just go out and be a friend, to love people. 

 

[Linda] Just jump in and start serving people and loving people and helping them. So that's why I think it's the perfect quote because you know, part of this is our effort to 

 

[Clark] Help each other. 

 

[Linda] Put ourselves out there. 

 

[Clark] We're our first neighbor. 

 

[Linda] Help each other. Yeah, and possibly help others that might be going through the same thing. And so it's a great application of what he was saying is, hey we should do this thing that we've been thinking about that might be a help. 

 

[Clark] Yeah, and don't stop, don't stop just because you have those, I'm like a recovering perfectionist. We definitely have been putting it off because we don't, yeah, we don't feel prepared, you know

 

[Linda] So yeah, I don't have anything ready. The website's not up, but we're totally gonna make one. 

 

[Clark] Every time she talks to me about it I'm like, oh I need to prepare what I'm gonna say and figure out how to talk about this, cause it's hard. It's uncomfortable. But, yeah, we just need to do it. 

 

[Linda] Then a couple speakers later Elder Neil L. Andersen said, "The wounded who nurse the wounds of others are God's angels on the earth." And through this whole process, see, you're gonna get me crying all the time, I'm sorry. We've been nursed to by several people. He was talking about his Men in Moroni group and how that has been a strength to him. And just knowing that there was a program called the Worth Group, and this is part of the life changing services. We don't necessarily get anything for sharing about their program, but it's really awesome. Go look up Maurice Harker, just on YouTube, you'll find a bunch of videos that are really helpful. And he was actually the first person to have something in a video format when I was like really going crazy and needing to find more information about how to deal with this, and like a video of his came up, and just was giving me a lot of hope. So look up his videos. They have a lot of stuff. But they also have a companion program to the Men in Moroni for all the wives who have experienced betrayal trauma from pornography addiction, sex addiction. So I've been part of the Worth Group. It took me a while to kinda get going. You were part of the Men in Moroni group beforehand, and I think I was just experiencing a lot of shame where I didn't want to admit that my husband had been addicted to pornography. I didn't want to have that. I just wanted him to get better. I just, I was like, well he'll go to these classes and he'll just get better and we'll go back to the way it was. And that's not at all how it, how it is playing out. I didn't realize that I needed support as well. And when I first joined the Worth Group I found some sisters who I was able to relate to. But who also provided that support that I needed, that I had no idea that I would need. He talked about other times that he's disclosed to me, and I just, you know, swept it under the rug. I didn't think it was a big deal. I didn't think I needed to do any work. I mean, I read my scriptures and I say prayers, and things, so I'm good to go, right? Is what I thought. But it turns out that I needed, I needed a lot of help. I needed support, I needed to be validated in my feelings. I needed, I needed my sisters in arms and those sisters have been such a blessing in my life. And it's just like Elder Andersen said, that they are angels on the earth. God's angels on the earth. And because of them I have had that feeling that I needed to share our story because I don't want anyone to feel like they're alone in this battle. If you feel alone just know that I'm there with ya. I am fighting the adversary like a crazy mad woman. And this is our effort to fight back, to kinda like, you know what you were saying, to fight back and not let him win. Because that's not, it's not fair. It is just not fair that Satan gets to have free reign over everything and I'm not allowed to read my scriptures cause that makes it seem like I'm being church lady. Or I can't say a quote to my kid because that's gonna be too preachy. Or I can't, you know, go to the Temple every week cause that's me trying to show off. Or, you know. It's not, it's definitely one sided. The adversary puts those thoughts in our minds. And it is a great thing to read your scriptures, you can't do it too much. It's a great thing to watch Conference, and can't do that too much. And it's great to go to the Temple, you can't do that too much. Like, all these things we think is too much, but in reality when the adversary has control over everything that it's just not fair. We gotta equal the playing field, it's not cool. 

[Clark] Yeah, it's a plague. It is one of Satan's greatest tools right now for disrupting people's souls, disrupting families, disrupting marriages, and just taking people off of God's path. Our facilitator, counselor, he always likes to say that there's been surveys that show that 90 percent of men have experienced problems with pornography at some point in their life. And he usually follows that up with a little quip he says, and the other 10 percent are liars. And you know, it's just, his belief is that, you know, this is something that is being pushed really really hard by Satan and it plays on one of men's greatest natural weaknesses, you know. It's that that drive that has been put in to men for a good reason to

 

[Linda] And it's been warped. 

 

[Clark] Yeah, and he just takes it and twists it and warps that, that desire for intimacy

 

[Linda] and connection 

 

[Clark] And connection, and you know, that desire to be with a woman and to have kids and a family and he takes that and twists it and turns it in to something 

 

[Linda] Selfish 

 

[Clark] Selfish and evil and dark. And that's why we want to push back against that darkness. 

 

[Linda] So to end, my purpose was, or my hope is, to help us connect and help others connect through our sharing of our experiences and things that we've done to connect, so that we can feel confident in our relationship with each other and safe. Because those are the two main things that you gain when you do have that connection. We're gonna have to have tissues over here next time. because when we, when we're not confident in our relationship and we don't feel safe, that's when the adversary can really get in there and send us those fiery darts, those whispers that are not true about the other person. 

 

[Clark] Or ourselves. 

 

[Linda] Or ourselves, you know. I'm not good enough. That's like the number one thing as a wife who's been betrayed, that's the number one thought that the adversary gives us is that we weren't enough for our spouse so he had to go find somebody else, right? But, he's fed that same lie to every single woman. So there's gotta, I mean, because every female feels that, I feel like, we have to realize that that's the same thing he's telling everybody. It's a pattern that he that he knows works on us. And so I wanna get us out of that pattern, and get us in to that connection, confidence, and safety that comes from when we can just talk, talk it out. I mean, sometimes it's gonna look ugly. And sometimes you're gonna be yelling. And sometime you're gonna be crying. But as long as you're always talking about it, and talking it out, I feel like you can get more than just keeping all your thoughts and the shame and the guilt inside, so, that's kind of, that's our hope, so. - 

[Clark] And one of the things we're gonna do as part of this, is give some homework assignments every episode to hopefully facilitate some of those conversations we really encourage couples to either listen together or maybe both listen when you have time and then come together and talk about what you listened to. 

 

[Linda] Take notes. 

 

[Clark] Yeah. 

 

[Linda] I know it's hard though cause if you're listening to a podcast, you wanna be doing something else. 

 

[Clark] Yeah, but you know what

 

[Linda] Just remember something. 

 

[Clark] I was just about to say. We've both listened to a lot of similar episodes, we share episodes all the time of other podcasts or talks or YouTube videos, you know, we're always texting each other, hey check this one out, I really loved it. And then we'll come back later and say, hey did you have a chance to listen to that or, oh hey, I listened to that thing you sent me, I wanted to talk to you about this or that, and, so we wanted to have some homework each episode to maybe, if nothing else that we say sparks conversation, hopefully at least the homework will give you something to talk about and we can facilitate some of those, possibly difficult conversations that might be uncomfortable and you know at least now you have an excuse to start it and say, hey, the podcast said that we should talk about this. 

 

[Linda] Be vulnerable, it is okay. We have to be willing to shine the light on shame so that the adversary won't be able to take that and use it against us. So, yeah. 

 

[Clark] And make it a safe place. You know, that's one thing that we've done is for a long time, especially in the first days, I mean, we were up late all the time

 

[Linda] Oh man, 2:00am, 3:00am, then you have to wake up. 

 

[Clark] You know, our boys would go to sleep, and then we'd say, hey, I've got some stuff I need to talk through, can we have a safe space? And so, hopefully when you're working through some of these homework assignments, make sure that it's a safe place and that you are listening to each other and reserving judgment and knowing that you're both going through a painful process. And be there to support each other and not ready to jump down each other's throats and you know, have your turn to talk, or your turn to judge, but to make sure that you're listening and validating each other as you talk through some of these difficult subjects. So, I think you've got this week's homework assignment, right?

 

[Linda] Uh, i didn't write it down. But what it's always gonna be based on what we're talking about in case we ever don't say it. Um, but, maybe this week's homework assignment could be something like, share your like I wanted to say your fear of, um, I don't know.

 

[Clark] Yeah, we ended up not really talking so much about fear this week.

 

[Linda] Yeah, we didn't really talk about that. 

 

[Clark] We were going to a little bit, but, maybe we can alter and it say, you know, today we kinda talked about why we're doing this podcast. One of the things we talk about in our recovery group almost every week and something I write in my journal every single day is, why are you fighting? You know, it helps to know that reason. And my reason, I won't say it changes every day, but I'm able to list a new one every day. There are so many reasons to fight, to fight for either, you know, healing, or fight for recovery. But fight against the enemy and fight for what's right. Fight to do what's good. 

 

[Linda] Fight for your family.

 

[Clark] Yeah, like I said, there's

 

[Linda] Fight for your own well being. 

 

[Clark] Fight for your marriage.

 

[Linda] Fight for your safety.

 

[Clark] Fight to regain your self confidence. There, every day I find a new reason to fight. And when you can focus on those reasons of why you're doing it, when those temptations come and you feel frustrated and you wanna give in or numb out, you can remember those reasons that you're fighting. And so, I would challenge you to sit down together and talk about why are you fighting? What are some of your goals in this fight? What is it, that, you know, we talked about what we hope to achieve with this podcast, talk about what you hope to achieve together in your marriage and why you're fighting. I think that's a great place to start. 

 

[Linda] Yeah, that is a great place to start. 

 

[Clark] I'm a really strong believer in that. Like I said, so much so, I used to have different questions that I answered every day at the end of my journal. I got some from the Men in Moroni program that was like, it was supposed to cycle through some and answer 'em every day and I started out cycling through, and in the end I've just kinda settled on that's the one that really has been the most helpful for me and so I answer that question every day, why fight? 

 

[Linda] Awesome. Okay, so that's your homework. You guys go and do that. Thanks for watching our first Clark N Linda show. If you want, we're gonna have show notes on ClarkandLinda.com you can find us on YouTube or your podcast player. You can also find us on Instagram @Clarknlinda and these are all not set up right now, but they will be by the time you hear this. Um, so yeah. And if you have any questions that you want us to address or anything like that. Send them in a direct message, or DM us. Also, we're not professionals, please know that. And we're just going through some of the same stuff you're going through. And you know, if you have questions, that's great. We might be able to answer them. He's a really good researcher. Um, but, maybe send in some tips, for like, you know, connecting. Because we know we're not the experts on this, we just know we need to talk about it. So, we'd love to share any of the tips that you may have in connecting with your spouse. If you've had more time to kinda recover and be in that recovery space because we're still pretty new at it and we just wanna share kinda the rawness of where we're at.

 

[Clark] And I would say in future episodes I know for sure we're gonna share some of the resources that have been a huge help to us, books, podcasts, videos, but I think we're both pretty strong believers in finding some outside help as well.

 

[Linda] Yeah.

 

[Clark] We mentioned Life Changing Services and how helpful it's been for us. I've also been through the church's 12 step program which I think is a great resource. There's a lot of really awesome stuff on overcomingpornography.org

 

[Linda] And for me addressingpornography.lds.org

 

[Clark] Yeah, um, so those are some great resources. And again, we'll go over a lot of other things.

 

[Linda] We'll list all the stuff on the blog.

 

[Clark] We're not experts but we definitely have spent a lot of time researching and working our recovery and working on our healing. And so we wanna share some of those gems that we find that have been super helpful for us. But we also encourage you

 

[Linda] And everybody's different

 

[Clark] Go find help, find a group, find a sponsor, find what works for you. If it's not Life 

Changing Services maybe it's a 12 step program. If it's not that maybe it's counseling. There's, 

you know, couple's counselors

 

[Linda] Super awesome counselors out there.

 

[Clark] There's, you know, people that deal specifically with pornography or with sex addiction or whatever it is that you're struggling with.

 

[Linda] So many resources out there. We're gonna share that in the next podcast actually. So, stay tuned for that one. And we'll see you later.

 

[Clark] Thanks.  

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Disclaimer: The Clark N Linda Show includes thoughts, opinions, experiences, and testimonies of hosts Clark & Linda Winegar. The information shared is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional sexual addiction therapy, betrayal trauma therapy, marriage counseling/therapy or legal advice. Please seek professional help for recovery & healing. You know, like from people who actually went to school or have had more than just 1st hand experience with this. Also, said thoughts, opinions, experiences, and testimonies represent those of two individual members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, BUT we do not claim to represent or speak for The Church in any official capacity. Expressed views and opinions should not be construed as official church doctrine—though we’ll certainly try not to stray far from it and hope someone calls us out if we do.

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